I Have My Own FRG

All right, so everyone knows that my husband is deploying to the Middle East this summer for about five or six months. We like the Army; Matt is one of those guys who could probably be making a heck of a lot more money in the private sector but he chooses to stay in public service. There are a lot of good people doing good work.

But I have to admit that I didn't anticipate this when I married an Army civilian. And I'm quickly learning that even though his position is designated as deployable, even though the Army has been deploying civilians for a while, it doesn't seem like anyone in the great hierarchy has anticipated this either.

We are preparing as best as we can; I made a list and we are working our way through it. I was hoping that I'd find some good information from the Army. I mean, hey, they deploy people all the time so they'd have some guidance for us, right? Wrong.

If my husband were a Soldier, then we'd be all set. You can find tons and tons of information and resources out there for Soldiers and their Families. (That would be the Army's capitalization, by the way.) But my husband is a civilian (note the little "c") and there is very little for us to go on.

I did manage to find the Army's guide for deploying civilians. It was written 16 years ago, in 1995. I think we can safely say that the world has changed a bit since then. It dedicates all of about one page to family preparation for deployment and offers this little gem:

Does your spouse know where and how to use the following: the electrical control box (fuse/circuit box), the water control valve for shutting off gas in case of an emergency (broken or leaking pipe), the gas control valve for shutting off gas in case of an emergency (leaking pipes or a fire)

To which I say: "F**k you, Army, I showed HIM where those things are in our house!"

But yeah, Army Legal Services helped him with a will and power of attorney but refused to do the same for me, because he is a civilian. Despite the fact that the official publication says that legal assistance is available to "Army civilians notified of deployment and their families". But am I going to argue with government lawyers? Heck no.

Matt tells me that I am allowed to shop at the PX and the Commissary while he is deployed, but I can't find any documentation of that, so I'm not going to try. Besides, the cost of living here is pretty low so I'm not sure the pricing is even worth it.

Army Community Services is supposed to be able to assist me with figuring out what resources are available but the guy hasn't bothered to call me back.

All the documentation Matt brought home from a Yellow Ribbon event for a reserve unit was aimed at Soldiers and their Families. Their primary recommendation? Get involved with your Family Readiness Group (FRG). The FRG seems to be the answer to everything. Support system, people going through something similar, people who know how to navigate the system.

But Matt doesn't have a unit, and without a unit there doesn't seem to be an FRG. The overall feeling is that officially, I'm on my own. This has been getting me down a bit.

Thank God, then, that I am not actually on my own. Matt and I have our own unit-- we call ourselves a team, and I don't know why, but other people seem to love the team concept.

We have only been living here nine months, and yet I have a group of friends who told me, "Jess, we are here. No matter what you need, you call us at any time and we will be there." Matt's mom is here, and so are some college buddies of his who have said the same thing. And through the power of the interwebs, the East Coast branch of the team is in close contact.

Maybe the Army will still come through, but I look at all the people I have on the team already and I know that I can do this. I have my own FRG.